Thursday, July 5, 2012

an evolving outlook.


These Spokane years have been my growing years; my ages 31 to 38.  Not all of these years have been my proudest, but I have made a definite point to learn from my experiences and hopefully grow into a better person.  I don't know how it happens, but it does - this business of needing to keep up with the Joneses.  And when I turned the ripe old age of 30, suddenly I was in a hurry to keep up with those Joneses, even though my wallet wouldn't let me.  My idea of dreaming big, unfortunately equated to dreaming materialistically.  It probably had something to do with the friends I was making {friends with huge houses on cul-de-sacs, ginormous SUV's of the Lexus name, wine delivered to the doorstep, and nothing to do but shop all day}.  Even though I tried desperately not to compare myself to those women and to be really really really appreciative for what I had, it was hard.  I looked at my small house with the dumb crisscross windows on a dumb busy street and {even though I felt much joy here in raising my children}, it didn't seem good enough.  I felt conflicted inside in my early thirties, trying to fit in socially and trying to find peace and gratitude for what I had.  I realized it was completely unfair to make my husband {who takes care of this family financially single-handedly} feel like he wasn't providing enough.  Because he was.  He always has.
The good news is that since then, I have learned to surround myself with people who have similar goals as my family.  I don't dwell on the Joneses {or anyone who has more than me, for that matter}.  I simply have learned to appreciate and find joy in what I have.  The joy comes from my family, my friends, and relationships.  It comes from learning something new everyday.  It comes from being thankful for the small stuff that no one else thinks about.  In my upper thirties, I learned that beauty is not what I used to think it was.  Beauty is everywhere and can be made from anything.  It doesn't have to be giant, expensive, or brand name.  And my small house managed to find a big way into my heart.  The crisscross windows I once detested, now I catch myself staring at, amazed at the beauty and detail. Someone could have put a plain square of glass there, but they took the time to cut the glass into diamonds and frame them by hand.  And I am so happy that I see that now; that I found the beauty in such an unexpected place.  As we get ready to leave this house, I say goodbye with contentment that I raised a beautiful family within these walls.
And when we finally move into our new larger house on a cul-de-sac in a nice neighborhood of Pittsburgh, I will maintain my appreciation for what we have.  For in this house, we will have more then enough.  We will have extra.  This is my dream house.  And I get to live in it.  For reals.  It is beyond anything I can imagine.  But what I am excited about most has little to do with the Joneses.  It has to do with the relationships I will continue to build in this home, new and old.  There will be more opportunities to have company over and entertain.  I imagine the house filled with the noises of my children with their friends.  Happy.  I also imagine an appreciative me.  A me who cares little of keeping up with anyone but my own children.

Joneses?  What Joneses?

8 comments:

  1. Love this post! I really admire your outlook on changes and new experiences! I need to be more like this as I'm still adjusting to living in our new town.

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    Replies
    1. It's still a work in progress, that's for sure. I hope I feel the same when we move. I'm gonna try hard! :)

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  2. This is great. We get the lessons we need, when we need them, right? :) I'm so happy for you and your upcoming move.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! The lessons are abundant sometimes, aren't they? :)

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  3. This is a lovely picture of growth. And in your new house..to have more than enough...such a blessing.

    I've given you 2 awards at my blog! Check it out if you would like to participate!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much!
      Love,
      your newest follower
      :)

      Delete

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