Tuesday, October 23, 2012

you never know what you're missing. it could be grand!

It finally just clicked this morning.  This boy and I are a lot alike in our brains and sometimes I forget that because we seem different in so many ways.  But we're not.  We're pretty much the same.  We can be absolutely funny and cool at times, and then sometimes the people around us are going what the heck is wrong with you?  For example, basketball.  Jackson has always played basketball.  It's his sport.  He has always wanted to play on a team, even though he knows it's hard work and there's practice involved.  It's been his fun way to hang with friends, have fun, and stay healthy.  So, when suddenly he tells us over and over again that he doesn't want to play this year, Husband and I were distraught.  We didn't take it very well.  The fact is, he has gotten us all excited about basketball over the years {even his sisters have joined teams because of his influence} and we honestly don't know what life is like without Jack playing this sport.  More importantly though, we want him to be active and healthy.  Healthy kids do better in school and we want his brain to be able to absorb all of that good educational stuff.  We have listened to that boy give us every reason in the world why he should not play basketball {this kid is quite creative} - he won't have time for homework, he doesn't have friends on the team, he doesn't like the game as much as he used to, it's his decision - we've heard it all.  But husband and I have maintained that he WILL play.  He WILL put forth the effort.  He WILL make friends.  We WILL be there to support him through it all, but he WILL do it.  As a parent, it has felt mean at times, to ignore my child who is desperately pleading with me not to make him do this, who has tears in his eyes, but this is what I must do.  Because I believe in him, even if he doesn't see it.  No, I don't have future aspirations for him as an NBA star nor am I living out my own childhood dreams vicariously through him.  I am simply trying to keep him healthy and give him an opportunity to work hard, play hard and make friends and succeed.  

I'm afraid that in the beginning, I accused him of laziness.  But I understand now that Jackson is not exactly trying to be lazy.  He is just afraid of the unknown, just like his mother.  And sometimes it seems easier to stay home and do the easy, comfortable stuff than it is to get out there in the world and explore it and take on new things.  It has certainly been a struggle for me, since "the move."  I've been lost and lonely at times and it's just been easier to stay home or go shopping, then to put myself in social situations.  And then of course, once I am alone and all I have are my self-depricating thoughts that are quite convincing, it gets even harder to put myself out there.  I talked to Jackson about this, this morning.  I explained how we are going through the same thing.  We are both stuck and afraid to get out of our stuck-ness.  We would just like things to be easy, even though it's not particularly fun to be easy.  Easy is dreadfully boring at times.  But what if we are missing out on something incredibly fulfilling and fun?  I bet we are.  So, I made my son a deal - he plays basketball and makes the most of it and I will put myself out there too.  I'm going to start an exercise class and get myself healthy too!  Plus once basketball starts, I will make an effort to talk to one new parent per game {that's a huge challenge for me, but I am willing to take a chance}.  Jackson seemed to think this was a good deal.  Plus, I'm sure it was a bit of a relief that I finally understand him and the fears that he has.  He's not alone.

We can do this.  We are going to get out there {in this new town} and shake things up!  It's about time, don'tcha think?  No more listening to that little downer of an inside voice.  I'm grabbing life be the horns!  I'm about to be much more creative than housework and shopping {saving money will certainly be a bonus too!}!  I'm ready to go out there and give of myself - do something good and meaningful.  Rather than feel overwhelmed over the choices, I'm going to try my best to feel very grateful for the many opportunities that are before me - and I get to choose!

*wow.  i'm so blowing my mind right now.  who is this chick?

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