Monday, August 11, 2014

elyssa flies the coop.

I have known this day was coming.  Elyssa was proactive in her apartment search and so she already had one lined up and had even found her roommates by the beginning of the summer.  A few weeks ago, when she received her keys, I helped move her bed into her new room, so I was already part of the process of things and had completely entered the acceptance phase of her move.  I've always felt with all of my heart that I better love my children as hard as I can while they are with me because there will come a day when I will give them the gift of flight.  Little did I know it would cause so much ugly-cry and strength to let go.

Today started out normal enough.  I figured I had at least one more day of Elyssa at home, but Husband came into the bedroom in the late morning to tell me that she planned to get settled into her apartment today.  I had told her I would help take more stuff down but I guess it was going to be all of her stuff instead.  Since we had just returned from vacation yesterday and were desperate for groceries, I forged a plan that I would go grocery shopping really quick and then return to load the car with Elyssa's stuff.  When I got to Target, however, I just couldn't concentrate on my list.  I found myself loading the cart with things Elyssa would need...toothpaste, milk, orange juice, cereal, freezer meals, chips, her favorite cheese, condiments, butter, bagels.  I forgot ketchup.  I also forgot that she just got a job at a bagel shop, so she probably won't need the bagels, oh well.  I did manage to get what we need for our dinner tonight, but my mind was so focused on how I could take care of my girl and make sure she eats for at least the first two weeks.  But she's smart.  She'll remember to eat, right?

I got back to the house, where Elyssa had moved her boxes and clothes downstairs.  We all ate PB&J real quick and then loaded the stuff into the car.  When it was time, Elyssa handed over the keys to her car, since she won't be needing it while she's at school.  That was just one more clue that this was really happening.  Jack, McKenna, Elyssa, and I all hopped into the car and headed to the apartment to help load everything inside.  We met the roommates, who are awesome, by the way.  I immediately knew that Elyssa is going to have such a good experience and have two amazing friends to share this year with.  After that, it was time to say goodbye.  And it wasn't easy, even if she is only 30 minutes away.  The girls all cried.  The only reason Jack didn't cry is because he was trying to be a man.  I cried, but I didn't want Elyssa to be sad.  I wanted her to know that even though it's hard, it's good.  So, I blubbered as much as I possibly could about believing in her and being proud of her.  With a sad, desperate face, I tried my best to smile and tell her to have fun and rock it.  And then we got in the car and waved, as she waved from her porch.  It took all my might to step on the gas peddle, but I did.  Because that's what needed to be done.  And I stayed strong for McKenna and Jackson because that's what needed to be done.  But big girl has flown the coop and I miss her already.

And here I am, crying again...
I just love her.

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